Life & Enduring Friendships

Close friendships are hard to maintain in our busy, transient lives these days. Life is hectic. You get to the end of a week and wonder where the time went – especially when you still have 20 things on your to-do list. Gone are the days of being born, growing up, having your own family and dying in the same town. Gone are the days of our kids being friends with the kids of our Elementary school friends - all growing up together. The trend is for adults to move every 5-6 years for work or a change. It’s kind of like being a military brat – you learn to make friends quickly and you’re lucky if a handful stick for life.

Don’t get me wrong; I could probably throw together a decent sized party… But I’m talking about friends who know you inside and out, whom you trust with your heart, who are there through thick and thin. Friends like that are hard to find.

My best friend “J-P” was in a nearby city this past week on a business trip. Even being 15 minutes away, we were only able to spend Sunday together and grab a quick dinner Tuesday night. We became instant friends in ’92; even roommates for several years both in Nashville and LA. Over breakfast Sunday, we realized that we’ve only seen each other twice since 1999. Twice in 10 years! The normal business of life and living in different states keeps us from spending time together in person. Although our phone conversations pick up right where we left off, even they are often few and far between.

My best friend from college is the same. We’ve seen each other maybe 4 times in the past 18 years… Again, normal lives, residing on opposite coasts, our work, her kids… coordinating life and finances have been a deterrent to actually spending physical time together.

It took several years in California before I finally met person I instantly clicked with… and within a year of becoming best buds she had a baby and moved with her family back to the Mid-West to be closer to the grandparents! Haven’t seen her in 2 years.

All of us – in our different cities have struggled to find best friends. “Why is that?” we wonder. We’re great women - caring, intelligent, attractive, involved in our communities and churches. Sure, we have families or busy careers that are not conducive to an abundance of free time or the ability to travel… and maybe we’re not quite the “social butterflies” we were in our 20’s, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make room for a good friend or two. We still want (and need) to have a friend to grab a cuppa joe with, or catch the latest chick-flick at the local theater. Someone to call on when we’ve got a flat tire or need help redecorating our kitchen. That perfect person to call when we just want to vent about our crazy boss or scream about being overrun with a house full of kids. That reliable pal who's able to drop everything, pick up a bottle of wine and takeout and come over so we don’t have to spend New Years alone.

Good friends are hard to find… and sometimes hard to nurture. With all of my best friends living far away, it’s heartbreaking to know that even though we’re only a phone call away and manage to pick up where we left off, the relationship has ever-so-slightly shifted because we’re no longer able to SEE each other.

It is with a deeply grateful heart that I thank God everyday for my friends – near and far!! He has blessed me beyond measure with each of them; has made me a better woman through them and they are friends for life. And yet… as humans we need that physical proximity – that face time in order to feel truly connected and not abandoned… People need people to thrive. “No man’s an island,” right?

It’s been a wonderful, reviving reunion with J-P. Although brief, we had the chance to do “normal” friend stuff – shopping, the prefect chick-flick, yummy food and enriching conversation. But it’s bittersweet… when will we be able to visit again?

Lord, answer our hearts cry for a best friend or two in our own city with whom we can grow and blossom. And, Lord, love on each of my friends – whichever city they’re in – and remind them of how much I love them and miss them. Remind us all of the importance of nurturing our friendships… Thank You for the precious gift of friends.