Being Crabby…

I was humbled and reproved the other day by a wonderful new co-worker who told me I was mean, and didn't want to talk to me. OUCH! I had treated her unkindly a week before, when she was just trying to help me out. DOUBLE OUCH!!

As I’ve mentioned before, unfortunately I am not someone who hides my feelings well. When I’m sad, you know it. When I’m angry, it’s very clear. When I’m happy, everyone gets smiles and hugs. My sister even told me I have a “wrath-of-God-look” that scares her. That may be a bit extreme and I may chuckle and pass it off as a joke… But she’s serious and that breaks my heart.

Granted we all have bad days… life is hard, things tick us off, someone treats us badly, we’re overwhelmed and we all have our list of pet peeves. And sometimes we have baggage from difficult childhoods that carry over into our responses now - even to the littlest things.

There are a lot of adjectives people could use to describe me… but the very last thing I want is to be known as being “mean” or scaring people with the fierceness of my looks! URGH! I want to be known as someone who is sincere, caring, friendly, loving, willing to go the extra mile, loyal, etc… I would hope people like me and want to be my friend, or due to what they observe, want to get to know me.

And what about my “witness” for Christ? TRIPLE OUCH!!! I am obviously not bringing His love to my work place, or to my sister those times she witnesses “the look.” On the one hand, I know I am to be a light. I am to reflect His character. With the Holy Spirit resident, I have the power to exhibit better responses and be more in control… I am to be in the world but not of it… I am to exercise the gifts of the Spirit and above all else exhibit love.

Yet on the other hand, we ARE human – yes, even we Christians. Therefore, it would be completely ridiculous to think we don’t have ups and downs just like everyone else; it would be unfair as well. Admittedly, there are those Christians who would rather not acknowledge the hard, cold facts of a fallen world and choose to live in fantasyland. Now, I know me, I will never be a “Praise the Lord” all-over-the-place type. God has brought me through many difficult dark experiences and He continually has to teach me to relinquish my will to His. (and let me tell you - that ain't easy - it's a battle of epic proportions most times.) He created me with a different temperament and personality, and so I can’t be a “happy-all-the-time" individual.

That is no excuse however, and so I’ve been embarrassingly reminded that I need to consider the circumstances at hand and whom I’m interacting with before I cut down an innocent bystander with my words and actions. I need to allow the Holy Spirit to be my filter – let Him take over the front door and living room of my heart, instead of locking Him in the basement closet.

And at the end of the day, no one deserves to be treated unkindly and no on deserves to be treated disrespectfully. “Love thy neighbor as thyself” isn’t that what the Good Book says.