Restless Seasons

It seems that I’m constantly rollercoasting between seasons of contentment and seasons of restlessness. Will it ever stop? Am I stuck in this misery for the rest of my life?

In the restless seasons it usually has to do with my circumstances not being what “I think” they should be or because I feel the intense need to “DO something” but I don’t know what it is I’m supposed to do. Is this all there is? What about the “abundant life of Christ” all the TV pastors are pontificating about? Or “live your best life/awakening to your life’s purpose” Oprah is proselytizing?

I’ve got to say – I HATE the restless seasons!! I get depressed, I get angry, I get sad & weepy; I eat too much, sleep too much, hole up at home and become anti-social… I am mean, and pissy and rude to co-workers, family & friends… I HATE IT! (November 2007)

In February I took a week off because I had been slowly loosing my mind since November ’07. I found this wonderful hotel, with a fireplace in my room overlooking the ocean just north of Carmel. I sequestered myself away to regain my sanity and reconnect with Christ. (Funny, how He’ll always meet you where you are, when you have no agenda.) In so doing I gained a new appreciation of the restless seasons. And I can honestly say – as frustrating as those periods of my life are – I truly am grateful for them.

As a Christian, being restless is natural. Wondering – “Is this it?” – is expected. Restlessness is the homing device God planted in our hearts when we were created in our mother’s womb. Because this is NOT all there is. There is so much more to come… there is a future, and a hope. I will always be restless until Christ returns. So in that respect, I am now grateful for the restless seasons because it makes me hungry for more… it keeps my focus up & out instead of in… it triggers that desire to "seek first the Kingdom of God”…

If I ever get to a point of not feeling restless… that would mean I had truly given up hope... that I had completely lost heart. Completely losing heart – and hope – would be a fate worse than death.