At Christmas... well, anytime, really...

Before we had anything to offer Him,
Before we lifted our voices in praise or our hands to His work,
Before we opened a bible or walked into a church building...
in fact even before we were ever created -
God was pursuing us with His love.

We don’t deserve the Love of God. Truly, we don’t.
We are gossips and worriers;
We are lazy and irritable;
We are prideful and want to do it our way;
We are controlled by our lusts and our appetites.
We search after everything but God...
and – in all honesty, we turn our backs on Him at every turn.
Yet...
He still comes after us...
Chasing us...
Pursuing us with His unending love.

His love was announced by a baby in a manger.
His love was proven by his body on a cross.
In this time, in this place, let us dwell on that love.
Let us put aside thoughts of trees and presents and malls and meals
… and focus on God’s pursuing love.

He is pursuing you right now. Even if you don’t believe it…
He knows you…
He knows your thoughts and your actions.
He is close to you; even if you can’t see or feel Him
Dwelling with you,
Delighting in you, yes – He really does delight in you
… and He loves you.
Even if you don’t love Him... even if you don't believe He exists

Today/Tonight is one more place that He is reminding you of that love. amidst, joy or pain
Today/Tonight is one more place where God is reaching out to you…  
He is trying to connect, trying to let you know He IS real and there
… and He’s asking you to drink deep of Him and His love for you.
No matter where you come from;
No matter what is going on in your life;
No matter who has let you down or abandoned you.
God has sought you out, and brought you here to say,
“I LOVE YOU.”

"A Reading at Christmas" by Shane Yancey
Additional thoughts by me in italics

"I Heard the Bells On Christmas Day"

I heard the bells on Christmas day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

I thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along the unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair I bowed my head
'There is no peace on earth,' I said,
'For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.'

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:

'God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail
With peace on earth, good will to men.'

Till ringing, singing on its way
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good will to men.


The Story Behind  "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day"
by Tom Stewart

One of America's best-known poets, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882), contributed to the wealth of carols sung each Christmas season, when he composed the words to "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day" on December 25th 1864. The carol was originally a poem, "Christmas Bells," containing seven stanzas. Two stanzas were omitted, which contained references to the American Civil War, thus giving us the carol in its present form. The poem gave birth to the carol, "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day," and the remaining five stanzas were slightly rearranged in 1872 by John Baptiste Calkin (1827-1905), who also gave us the memorable tune. When Longfellow penned the words to his poem, America was still months away from Lee's surrender to Grant at Appomattox Court House on April 9th 1865; and, his poem reflected the prior years of the war's despair, while ending with a confident hope of triumphant peace.

As with any composition that touches the heart of the hearer, "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day" flowed from the experience of Longfellow-- involving the tragic death of his wife Fanny and the crippling injury of his son Charles from war wounds.

The first Christmas after Fanny's death, Longfellow wrote, "How inexpressibly sad are all holidays." A year after the incident, he wrote, "I can make no record of these days. Better leave them wrapped in silence. Perhaps someday God will give me peace." Longfellow's journal entry for December 25th 1862 reads: "'A merry Christmas' say the children, but that is no more for me." Almost a year later, Longfellow received word that his oldest son Charles, a lieutenant in the Army of the Potomac, had been severely wounded with a bullet passing under his shoulder blades and taking off one of the spinal processes. The Christmas of 1863 was silent in Longfellow's journal. Finally, on Christmas Day of 1864, he wrote the words of the poem, "Christmas Bells." The reelection of Abraham Lincoln or the possible end of the terrible war may have been the occasion for the poem. Lt. Charles Longfellow did not die that Christmas, but lived.

Longfellow's Christmas bells loudly proclaimed, "God is not dead." Even more, the bells announced, "Nor doth He sleep." God's truth, power, and justice are affirmed, when Longfellow wrote: "The wrong shall fail, the right prevail." The message that the Living God is a God of Peace is proclaimed in the close of the carol: "Of peace on Earth, good will to men."

PROCLAMATION OF THANKSGIVING - Abraham Lincoln 1863

A piece of history I didn't remember from my school days... also, extremely encouraging to be reminded that the majority of our Forefathers founded this country on the one true Almighty God and His principles outlined in His Word... we can't lose that.

I am truly thankful for each & every aspect of my life... most importantly... my Savior, my love, my family & my friends!

Enjoy... and have an incredible & yummy Thanksgiving!

Washington, D.C.
October 3, 1863

This is the proclamation which set the precedent for America's national day of Thanksgiving. During his administration, President Lincoln issued many orders like this. For example, on November 28, 1861, he ordered government departments closed for a local day of thanksgiving.

Sarah Josepha Hale, a prominent magazine editor, wrote a letter to Lincoln on 28, 1863, urging him to have the "day of our annual Thanksgiving made a National and fixed Union Festival." She wrote, "You may have observed that, for some years past, there has been an increasing interest felt in our land to have the Thanksgiving held on the same day, in all the States; it now needs National recognition and authoritive fixation, only, to become permanently, an American custom and institution." The document below sets apart the last Thursday of November "as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise."

According to an April 1, 1864, letter from John Nicolay, one of President Lincoln's secretaries, this document was written by Secretary of State William Seward, and the original was in his handwriting. On October 3, 1863, fellow Cabinet member Gideon Welles recorded in his diary that he complimented Seward on his work. A year later the manuscript was sold to benefit Union troops.

By the President of the United States of America.
A Proclamation.

The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God.   In the midst of a civil war of unequaled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign States to invite and to provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere except in the theatre of military conflict; while that theatre has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union. Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defence, have not arrested the plough, the shuttle or the ship; the axe has enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore. Population has steadily increased, notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege and the battle-field; and the country, rejoicing in the consiousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years with large increase of freedom.   No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy. It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and one voice by the whole American People. I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity and Union.

In testimony whereof, I have hereunto set my hand and caused the Seal of the United States to be affixed.

Done at the City of Washington, this Third day of October, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three, and of the Independence of the Unites States the Eighty-eighth.

By the President: Abraham Lincoln

William H. Seward,
Secretary of State

The Most Amazing Wedding Vows I've Ever Heard!

I was privileged to be a part of my dear friend's wedding this weekend... their vows moved me to tears & I told them both I was stealing them! Such tender, humble words promised before God to each other... this is true love...

~ MAN TO HIS WIFE TO BE ~
My love, you are my treasure and today I take you as my bride. I accept the responsibility to love and protect you while you are in my care and to help you find your life’s purposes and talents. You are a precious gift to God and I vow to return you to God, our Father, in better condition than that in which I found you. I promise to invite Christ into our marriage, the decisions we make, and the love we share. I will ask God to let me see His love for you, so that I can be moved to share in the delight He has for you, to forgive you as I have been forgiven, and to receive you with humility and gratitude. I promise to be your refuge of love and strength. You can depend on me to be faithful to God, to you, and to our family. I will always protect you and care for you. I will hold your hand, wipe your tears, and help you grow into the woman God made you to be. I will seek to demonstrate the love of Christ to you by putting you before myself. I promise to be open and honest with you. I promise to be vulnerable to Christ in my life and to you. You are God’s perfect answer to my prayer for a wife and best friend. You are the one with whom I want to serve God, establish a home, and raise a family. I promise to cherish you, pray for you and with you, and stay with you all the days of my life. I give you my life with the purpose of becoming one with you. Ours will be a union only broken by death. I will fight for you and our marriage above all else. With profound gratitude, I take you, to be my cherished bride and beloved wife.

~ WOMAN TO HER HUSBAND TO BE ~
Your character and integrity have stood out to me from the beginning. In the year and a half I have known you, you have demonstrated nothing but kindness, strength, and compassion towards me. I have never felt so treasured and safe with anyone. I am proud of everything you do and the talents you have, but mostly I am proud of who you are. With humility, and joy I choose you to my husband. I am thankful that God designed you with me in mind. I promise to respect your ideas, to support your dreams, and back you up as the leader of our home and family. I promise to be your safe place. My heart will be your shelter and my arms will be your home. I promise to guard my heart from the affections of all others and to have you as my one and only from this day forward. I promise to put you above all other earthly relationships - even our future children, for I know this is God’s perfect plan. You are the one I want to laugh with, cry with, parent with, and be with all the days of my life. Second to knowing Christ as my Savior, you are God’s most amazing gift to me. I am honored and excited to build a home and life with you, my darling, my teammate, and my best friend.

I pray that God will continue to bless and keep them tenderly in His hands as they walk through the rest of their lives together! I am honored to call them dear friends and I look forward to being witness to their journey as one. They have been such a wonderful example to me and those around them of God's love for us lived out and shared with each other. You guys ROCK! CONGRATULATIONS!!

MISSING MY MOM....

In doing a “fun” list of 25 Random Things About Me… I wrote: “Am completely taken aback by the fact that after 37 years, I suddenly and profoundly miss my mother.”

I am still stunned… why now?

My mother died when I was 7 from a very rare form of bladder cancer. My parents had divorced when I was about 2 and I think I’d only seen my father once or twice before her death. Some of my memories of those early years are completely forgotten, some very vague, and still others are so vivid it’s as if they happened yesterday. I’m told that once things got more advanced and treatment more intense, Mom and I packed up and moved in with my Nana (Mom’s mom). Wonderfully, circumstances were such that my Aunt (Mom’s sister) and cousins were in a position to move in as well, due to my Uncle serving in Vietnam. All seven of us “girls” lived together for a couple of years until her death. Such sweet precious days! Loads of memories...

My mom was my world… we were best buddies… did everything together. She was so vibrant and young and strong and worked so hard to make a great life of me, for us. Of course I never knew of her struggles until I was an adult… but I’m amazed at the job she did and I’m humbled by the love she so lavishly poured on me every single day. I was safe. I was secure. I never had a moments upset. If I was afraid, she was there to hold me and sing to me and make me laugh… if I was sick, she was there. She made me feel special. She was my hero and my cheerleader. I know that not one day ever passed without me knowing, from the top of my head to the tips of my toes, that I was utterly and completely loved. I have yet to experience that kind of love since. (Maybe that’s why I want to be married - thinking the love of a husband would put me back and keep me in that same sweet love and security... interesting.)

I have recently been reminded that I never really mourned the loss of my Mom.

Through her illness, no matter how bad her day or night – I would begin each day with a hug and kiss from her sending me off to school and then the instant I arrived home I was off to Mom’s room to share my day, to snuggle as best we could, to read to her. Her door was always open for me, always. So when, a couple of weeks before she died, her door remained closed and I was not able to visit with her, I knew something was up. I remember vividly standing in front of that closed door, staring at a lopsided neon red heart sticker I had cut out for her and she had Nana put on her door so she could always see it when the door was open… I stood in front of her door in the darkened hallway, staring at that heart – and was overcome with the profound knowledge that she was going away… I would never see her again and was now on my own.

A couple weeks later, Uncle Ike returned from Vietnam, and on Oct 10, 1972, I was not surprised when he came into my cousins & my room and told us that Mom had gone to heaven to be with Jesus. I didn’t cry… and to be honest, I have never cried… till now. I was sad. I withdrew. I would sit in her room for hours looking out over the pool and Sarasota Bay watching the boats or watching Mr. Rogers on TV. The adults couldn’t always coax me from the room, nor could my cousins, for play or swimming… I just needed to sit in her room quietly.

She was buried in Ohio where my Grampa was buried… and shortly after that, my dad was there. Of course at the time I had no idea, but poor dad… he too was serving in Vietnam at the time, but he did the honorable thing as my only living parent, and moved me to Hawaii to live with him. He was just back from war… he didn’t know what he was doing. He didn’t know what to do with a little girl... much less one who had just lost her mother. I know without doubt that he did his very best… however, I don’t recall ever talking about mom with him until just a few years ago.

A couple of years later Dad remarried a young beautiful, intelligent, strong woman – a widow with two boys of her own. I truly think he married Beverly more for me – so that I would have a mom – than he did for himself. My dad, I believe is the epitome of “a loner.” He’s the life of the party and everyone’s best friend… but with his most intimate relationships he’s limited. Beverly was a lot of things… a great mom, a friend, a teacher, but, unfortunately – at that time – abusive. She was jealous of me… of my Mom… of the relationship I had with my Aunt/Uncle/Nana & cousins. (whom I was able to see only a handful of times over the next 9+ years until I moved in with them my senior year in HS) Beverly often belittled and insulted my mother – writing nasty comments about her on the backs of my pictures of her… telling me intimate things about my mother & father’s relationship that were grossly inappropriate. Ripping to shreds the only doll I had left that my Mom had given me – Mrs. Beasley.

So early on I learned to never talk about her. To remove the pictures and tuck them away for safe keeping. My mother has been tucked away in my heart ever since.

Recently, and so gently and tenderly, God has brought someone back into my life whose time and attention is bringing about a happiness and sense of love I only had with my Mom. Through this precious person, God is revealing Himself in a way I could never quite allow myself to grasp… holding me and whispering… “See, Laurie, I DO love you that much.” I am humbled. I am undone.

Tears are finally able to come now… and I miss my Mom so much. She was so special. Yet, the hole forged by that profound sense of loss is now able to be filled with Christ’s love for me and the new relationship of this dear friend. I’m not sure my heart can take it… It is overwhelming – and knowing me, I will, at times, fight it. I’ve been comfortable keeping that part of my heart closed for many years now… But I feel freer than I have in a long long time.

Oh the sweet and unadulterated joy… of just letting go and basking in pure love. Amazing Love. Amazing Mercy. Amazing Grace.

I started this blog last year because I needed an outlet. I had so much running through my brain – random ruminations, ramblings, issues I wanted to tackle... So much I wanted to say…

Then came the end of September and the end of my words… I’ve had no words since.

Sure, there is still much running around my brain… many ruminations, ramblings & issues left to tackle… much I still want to say… but I can’t seem to get it out. Can’t seem to put fingers to keyboard and tap out anything relevant or interesting or even uninteresting.

Maybe a New Year will bring new words or at least new motivation. One can hope.

Happy New Year!